My Dirty Little Secret

I used to eat whatever I wanted. When I saw cupcakes I drooled on sight and forgave any misdeed you had done to me if you gave me a brownie. I ate frosting straight from the container. And I didn’t always use a spoon. I have eaten an entire box of poptarts in one sitting. I once took a log of chocolate chip cookie dough, cut it in 2 and handed half to Lauren, where we proceeded to eat it like a sandwich sub. Such glorious memories.
Now I eat much healthier (and so does Lauren). I limit my sweets to 1 night a week, that’s our deal- one “bad” eating out meal a week, and one dessert a week. Sometimes I’m a little lenient on what counts as “a” dessert, but for the most part I eat much better than I used to, and it shows.
But I still love sweets. I am the soul of Mrs. Claus trapped in a size 6 body. And my craving for sweets, my lust for baked goods is still strong. I had to find away to scratch my frosting itch without causing serious damage to my thighs. I tried baking for other people, but I found that horribly unsatisfying. I tried convincing myself that I didn’t like candy because of the chemicals and dyes. My stomach didn’t listen. I tried getting 100 calorie packs of my favorite snack foods to treat myself a little bit. They tasted like cardboard. I was seriously contemplating just letting it all go ala Oprah when I found my answer. FOOD PORN.
The food network has these cooking shows where they show you in close-up, buttery rich detail all the yummy goods they’re making. And Paula’s Home Cooking happens to coincide with my Wednesday evening gym time. I love Paula. She is one of my heros. She’s Southern and plump, and she says things like, “Now y’all need to add just a lil bit of butta” while adding an entire stick of lard to her concoction. She tried everything she makes, and you can see her get all excited to taste it. And she takes real bites. Multiple ones. Big bites. I love you Paula…
I usually don’t watch these shows because they make me want to go into the kitchen to find a snack. But If I watch them while I’m on the stepmill, I can’t get to a package of cookies. And while I’m drooling over Paula’s buttery toffee bars, the other gym goers just think it's sweat dripping off my chin.
I know some people may think it is sadistic to look at food while exercising, but I don’t think so. It’s like guys who look at porn. They know they can’t have it, but looking at it is exciting enough to keep them coming back for more. Same for me and my Paula. There’s something about watching her make fresh whipped cream at 300 calories a spoonful while I’m huffing it on the elliptical that just makes me sing on the inside.
Gotta run now. Its Thursday- almost the weekend and that mean’s its time for me to start planning what I want for dessert this week…