Religion 2.0

Kyle and I have been saying for months that we should start going to church on Sundays, but we lately we’ve been worshipping the gym instead. So while in Rochester this weekend we decided to join his mom and sister to make a good impression (on them and God). I am happy to report that nothing has changed in Church- the songs and format are exactly the same. I remembered everything like it was yesterday, which was both comforting in its familiarity and odd (I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast 2 days ago but I still remember the Apostle’s Creed?)
We did notice one change however, and that is this- God has gone high tech. We found this out when the priest made an announcement at the end of mass that “DVDs explaining the ceremony of the mass were now available for $5.00”. I was shocked. The Catholic Church doesn’t have DVDs! It has stuffy smelling books with teeny tiny print and Latin words that no one understands but reads anyway!
But Kyle pointed out that God created the world, which means that he is the original high tech guru, not Bill Gates as I had previously thought, so it only makes sense that Church is going high tech. We thought it out and it really makes sense when you think about it. We’re getting more like God all the time. God is Omnipresent, and so is everyone else with a buddy list- you can always be online and accessible. Even if you have an away message up, people can still leave you message for when you get back to your computer. Just like you can pray to God and he may be there, and get the prayer and get right on it, or it may just go to his away message and he’ll get it later.
We figured God’s Screen name would be ‘Almighty 1’ and that when he wasn’t there his away message would simply say “Damning”. The Pope would be in his own separate group (#1 Fan) with the rest of us organized into groups of: Believers, Nonbelievers and The Warriors (that’s where Lucifer is).
At first I thought this was great sacrilege, but Kyle assured me that it’s okay to be funny. He thinks God’s got a sense of humor and would appreciate the fact that we’re thinking about him at all, even if it is to decide whether or not he would use the invisibility feature to avoid the Dali Lama when he doesn’t feel like talking.