Reason # 461 Why I'm Not Ready to be a Parent

I'm not really a cat person, but when I broke up with my ex and he moved out I was lonely so I decided to get something to keep me company and my apartment wouldn't let me have a dog. (technically I wasn't supposed to have a cat either, but they're a lot easier to hide and 2 other people in the building had them too so I figure it was safe.) I went to the animal shelter and found a black & white kitten who was the runt of his litter. One eye was completely milky white- the product of a bad infection from when he and his littermates where found abandoned under a porch. I knew there was a chance his eye would never heal, but when all the other kittens wanted to run around the room, this guy just wanted to look up at me. When I tried to look at any other kittens below him, he would reach out and tap my ponytail as if to say " Hey you, I'm right here, pick me, I'm the one!" I knew what his fate would likely be if I didn't rescue him, and I figured this was a major good deed that would help counteract my college misdeeds (except for that party the night we won GreekWeek, when I die I have some definite explaining to do...) So I took him home and named him Riley James.
His eye cleared up, but he's an odd cat. He's cuddly like a dog- always wants to be in your arms or laying across your chest. He stalks all forms of plantlife and attacks it- trees, plants, flowers have all perished from his claws.He cries when left alone and has no censor when it comes to food- he will literally eat a 20 lb bag of kibble if I let him. Which brings us to last night.
Riley's pretty good at not eating things he shouldn't. He loves the plastic from ice cream cartons, bread ties and grape stems. He bats them around like mad, but never eats them. So last night when he was eyeing a my Congratulations on Passing the Bar helium balloon, I decided to let him have some fun. Within seconds he had bitten through the string and the balloon floated to the ceiling. We thought he would just play with the string then. Instead, that little Fatty ATE it. He gulped it down like a gummi worm. It happened so fast we didn't realize what he was doing until it was over. And then, like any mother would do, I started to panic.
First, he threw up twice (and bless his little heart he stayed on the tile and not the carpet) but there was no ribbon. Frantic, I consulted the Internet where I was greeted with horror stories of cats dying or needing emergency surgery when ribbons get twisted in their intestines. The web suggested we try to make him throw it up before his body tried to digest it, which we attempted to do in a variety of ways: first we gave him 1 and 1/4 teaspoon of hydrogen peroxide, which was supposed to be a "sure bet" to make him sick. Well he definitely didn't feel great, but no dice. Next, I gave him an entire can of wet food (which he never gets) hoping to make him sick. He ate every single last morsel like a champ and then just sprawled out with a belly ache. But still no ribbon. Desperate, Kyle started holding him upside down and patting his tummy, kinda like you burp a baby. He purrrrrrrred the entire time. No ribbon.
He slept with us all night, just in case, but when I woke up this morning he was completely normal and cuddly. Hopefully he just passes it and he'll be fine, but I guess it's good to know that if they ever do Fear Factor: Pet Edition, Riley could kick all the other cat's butts!