Where am I registered?

Everyone keeps asking me where we’re registered for the wedding, so I thought I should explain the registry situation.
You see people, I’m clumsy. I know people reading this will say, “But you can dance!” To which I say, “Why thank you!” But believe me, that’s about rhythm, which is totally different. I have absolutely no grace. It’s hard for me to admit it but I’m not a delicate little flower that waits to be admired, but I’m not. I’m more like a giant sunflower.
I walk into things. Walls, furniture, people. While walking around like a normal person I place my life and limbs at serious risk. I have at any given moment at least 2 bruises of unknown origin on my body. Case in point, I currently have a burn on my right knuckle from the oven last week, a red mark the size of a half dollar on my chest that I hope is a bruise, and a bump on my hairline from hitting bottom of the cabinet this morning.
I break, on average, 2 things a month. And that’s just in the kitchen. I don’t know how exactly, they just break! When Kyle moved in with me in June he brought with him 6 pretty blue glasses. Five months later only 2 remain, and that’s mainly because Kyle won’t let me use them anymore unless it’s a special occasion. We tried counteracting my destruction by getting plastic things in fun bright colors instead. However, I quickly learned that plastic things melt when confronted with hot frying pans or are too close to the stove.
My clumsiness doesn’t just affect me. Just last week I broke a juice glass at my mom’s while doing the dishes after which her own clumsiness intervened. She got cut on the glass through the garbage bag and had to get stitched up by my sister (it appears the lack of grace is hereditary).
This brings me to the registry. Traditionally couples register for nice pretty things to fill their new home with. Things like fancy china for formal dinners and wineglasses. Expensive sheets with high threadcounts and crystal cut vases to hold the flowers your news husband is supposed to bring home regularly. And that’s great for them. I love to peruse the registries of my friends to see what fun things they’re getting. But I can’t join them. For obvious reasons, the china is a BAD idea. My cat views all new things as potential toys, especially flowers, so vases and decorative items would likely face the wrath of Riley. And while high threadcount sheets sound divine, Kyle loves to make corners with sheets, something that can only be done with stiff, average Joe cotton bedclothes. Plus, we already combined 2 apartments when we moved in together, so we have everything we need already. A full registry would result in us just throwing out perfectly good stuff to replace it with new stuff and we just don’t see the sense in that. (We have, however, registered for our honeymoon in Disney which I think is way cool!)
But for those of you who love to satisfy their voyeuristic needs by looking at other people’s registries, I’ll post a list of things that I don’t currently own that I want and would put on a traditional registry if we were to have one. This way I can look back and say I had the “experience” of creating a registry:
1. A loaf pan to make banana bread. (it’s the only baking things I somehow don’t have)
2. A college picture frame for our wall (so we can be vain and look at pictures of ourselves)
3. An apron (so I can fulfill my fantasy of being a 1950s housewife)
4. A vacuum (because using the hose attachment on my hands and knees around the apartment is getting old. And painful)
5. Just married flip flops (Just because!)
6. Bandaids.